I have been dealing with disordered eating for about six years. For the first four of those six years, I didn't know what disordered eating is or realize the extent to which it affected my well-being. Despite its prevalence, disordered eating is not taught or talked about nearly as much as disorders like anorexia and bulimia are. Many people don't even know that disordered eating exists. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, disordered eating is defined as "a wide range of irregular eating behaviors that do not warrant a diagnosis of a specific eating disorder." The vagueness of that definition has always frustrated me and I find that it's easier to explain disordered eating by describing some of the common irregular eating behaviors, the most common of which for me were "feelings of guilt and shame when unable to maintain food and exercise habits, pre-occupation with food, body and exercise that causes distress and has a negative impact on quality of life, and compulsive or emotionally-driven eating." (Here's a great website that explains disordered eating further.) So how does disordered eating start? What should you do if you feel like you're experiecing it? And how can it be overcome? I will attempt to answer those questions using my own personal experience as a reference. Part 1: Childhood & High SchoolI was raised by two parents who are both great cooks and who both value the comfort, culture, and sense of community associated with food. Cooking meals from various cultures and sitting down to dinner together as a family has always been incredibly important to us. Luckily, I was taught the basics of healthy eating and being a conscious consumer from a young age. Our kitchen was stocked with mostly healthy foods. We didn't eat sugary cereals and things like chips and pop were rarities. Ironically, I have pinpointed this as the earliest contributor to my future eating issues. The lack of junk food in my childhood led me to underestimate the power of food addiction and made it incredibly difficult for me to control my portion sizes when I reached college and junk food became readily available to me. Seeing my brother struggle with weight gain throughout his teenage years and knowing that his friends made his weight the topic of many jokes also contributed to my fear of weight gain. I started noticeably gaining weight in high school. I had never dealt with disproportionate weight gain and was at an all girls private school where I wasn't thriving. Somehow I went from not thinking much about what I ate to thinking about (literally) every single piece of food that I consumed. I had always depended on sports to stay in shape, but that wasn't enough to keep weight off anymore and I was at a loss for what to do. At the end of my sophomore year, I quit eating meat cold turkey (pun intended) for animal rights reasons. Going vegetarian was one of the best decisions I've ever made. It has opened my eyes to hundreds of foods I might have never tried otherwise and has greatly increased the respect I have for where my food comes from, how it was produced, and the effect it has on our earth. Adopting a vegetarian lifestyle is what kickstarted my interest in clean, nutritionally balanced eating. At the beginning of my junior year I was not happy with my body. This became apparent to me when I transferred to public school where there was a greater emphasis on appearance. I decided to start following Weight Watchers points guidelines, knowing that it had worked for my mom in the past. I started eating portion controlled meals and focused on eating a lot of fruits and vegetables. There were many times when I reached the end of the day and realized I had only consumed 1,200 calories (that's not good), but I was never hungry and didn't deny myself the occasional splurge, so I didn't see anything wrong with that. Eating such few calories became normalized to me. Eventually, eating more than 1200-1500 calories in a day made me feel guilty. This was also around the time when I started running and going to the gym with a friend who was also trying to lose weight. I lost twenty pounds that year, entered into a relationship that would last three years, and reconnected with many friends I had lost touch with. My life was great, but I still wasn't satisfied with how I looked. The longer I stuck to Weight Watchers, the more restrictive I became with my diet and the longer I spent in the gym every day. Hindsight is always 20-20, which is why I can look back on photos from high school now and acknowledge the body dysmorphia that I was experiencing for what it was. High school is a bubble that doesn't accurately represent the "real world" and I was surrounded by friends who were either extremely fit or naturally thin. I felt like I had to keep going. The progress I made was never enough. I thought as long as I could reach my goal weight (a completely arbitrary number), I'd be happy with myself. This obsession and preoccupation with my body image meant that I didn't fully experience things as they happened. I struggled to truly live in the moment. A party was more about what food would be there and how I would avoid eating too much of it than about socializing with friends. At the time, I didn't see all the ways in which my obsession was holding me back. Part 2: The Freshman FourteenYep, you read it right. Despite being determined not to, I gained fourteen of the freshman fifteen. College proved to be a whole new monster in my battle with food. I simply didn't know how to control myself when junk food became readily available to me and I didn't realize how quickly it would impact my body. My parents had always taught me, "everything in moderation", but when it came to foods that I rarely got to eat, moderation went out the window. The addictive power of foods full of sugar or saturated fat became real to me and I started to understand how someone could become obese. The overwhelming emotion I recall feeling during this time was frustration. I exercised for an hour and a half every day and, though I occasionally ate junk food, I ate relatively healthy compared to my friends and didn't drink alcohol. Why could other people eat whatever they wanted with no noticeable consequences, but I couldn't? One of the worst things about my body dysmorphia and weight gain problems was the impact it had on my relationship. I was never worried about how my boyfriend viewed me; I knew his love for me went beyond my appearance. It was more about how I viewed myself and how my appearance made me feel when I was in public. There was really nothing my boyfriend could say to make me feel better. Telling me that I was beautiful the way I was didn't change the way I viewed myself. This proved to be understandably frustrating for him. This wasn't the reason we broke up, but it most certainly didn't positively contribute to the health of our relationship. That year, I spent a lot of time analyzing and criticizing my body, overthinking everything I ate, and feeling lost. I attempted to purge once and convinced myself that I had done it because I had eaten too much and felt sick, not because I felt guilty. Indulging in junk food led to seemingly insurmountable guilt and when I came home and weighed myself at the end of freshman year, I broke down. I spent that summer losing all the weight I had gained during the school year and tried to go into sophomore year better prepared for the challenges I would face. Becoming a Resident Advisor meant I would have to be even more focused on my physical and mental health, but I was determined to deal with my eating and exercising issues in a more positive way than I previously had. This is when Megan entered my life. We became running buddies and I owe a lot of my sanity that year to her. We motivated each other to get up every day at 7:00 and go for a run. We talked about anything and everything on our runs, releasing a lot our stress and bringing us closer together as friends. I started classes each day feeling healthy, awake, and refreshed. Because of my experience freshman year, I was extremely paranoid about rapidly gaining weight again. I reverted back to my high school habit of calorie counting and restricting my diet. I thought that if I couldn't eat junk in proper portions, I shouldn't eat it at all. My self control during this period was kind of extraordinary. I learned to simply say no to unhealthy foods and reached a point where I didn't even think about the food I was missing out on. I was also training for my first half-marathon and knew that fueling my body with the proper nutrients would directly impact my success in the race. Having Megan, a dietetics major and fellow vegetarian, by my side to run with and cook with actually made my health/fitness journey fun rather than grueling. She was the only person I felt I could open up to about my diet related issues. There was something that I couldn't shake though. I was healthy and happy at a certain weight, but I knew that if I didn't maintain that weight, I'd be unhappy with myself again. There was so much pressure on me. What's more, I still had moments of guilt, disappointment, and dissatisfaction with my appearance. This battle with food and weight loss was constant and stressful. The stress I put on myself to remain at a certain weight likely contributed to any weight that I did gain, which made the cycle seem even more vicious and hopeless. I still had problems with binge eating, only now I was over eating health foods instead of junk foods. There were a few instances where I crushed close to half a jar of peanut butter in one sitting. Sometimes if I had a certain food in my room, I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it. I have always associated food with comfort, so I would eat when I was stressed and then I would stress about what I just ate. It was maddening. Holiday meals were more about dealing with my food anxiety than enjoying time with family. What's so interesting about all of this is that I knew how irrational my thinking was. I would often try to talk myself out of my feelings, tell myself to be rational, that this was all in my head. It didn't work. One of the biggest and most unfortunate assumptions about mental health disorders is that the people dealing with them can simply think their illness away. A person with anxiety can tell themselves to not be anxious. A person with depression can think happy thoughts and no longer be depressed. This is not true. Mental illness is real and oftentimes crippling. I couldn't simply convince my brain to stop thinking about food. Even if a person wants to get better (most people do), there is no quick fix. During this time, the song "Migraine" by twenty one pilots was incredibly inportant to me. It provides brutally honest insight into the mind of someone with mental health issues and touches on the feelings of isolation caused by social stigmas surrounding mental health. To this day, it is the best description of what I experienced. My favorite verse can be found below.
Part 3: Asking For HelpMy first half-marathon took me two hours, six minutes, and four seconds. I was incredibly proud of myself and moved to tears when I crossed the finish line. It was one of the best moments of my life. Soon after, I moved to San Francisco for the summer to complete my dream internship. I stopped weighing myself, which relieved a lot of stress. This was a period of growth for me and my eating issues somewhat subsided. However, once junior year rolled around, I realized I still had not overcome my food and exercise related anxiety. If I went a single day without working out, I felt disgusted with myself. This exercise addiction led to several minor running-related injuries (shin splints, hip flexor pain, strained tendons in my feet, etc.). I ignored the pain in my body and the importance of rest days because I couldn't handle not fitting my workout in. I greatly regret this. These injuries have followed me for years and have made other fitness endeavors more difficult (ex: I cannot deadlift because it will further damage my hips). This constant battle within my mind had ruled my life for several years at this point and I had dealt with the majority of it alone. I was really sick of fighting it. I knew that I had ten free counseling center sessions available to me at school. Initially, I thought my problems weren't big enough to justify counseling. I was angry with myself for not having already fixed my problems on my own, but I was starting to wonder if there was really something "wrong" with me. I knew I wasn't anorexic or bulimic and it frustrated me that I couldn't find much scientific research to support my symptoms. Eventually my research led me to disordered eating. I found that many people who exhibit disordered eating symptoms are diagnosed with Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS). It might sound kind of odd, but not being able to identify with a specific disorder made me feel like my problems were mostly my fault and made me feel more isolated. Finally, with the help of a couple friends who had utilized the counseling center, I took action. While reading through the biographies of the counselors on the Oneonta website, I found a male psychologist whose interests were similar to mine (spending time outdoors, weight training, cooking) and who specialized in stress and anxiety management. He was the obvious choice for me. My first appointment was by far the most difficult. In addition to opening up to a stranger, I had to explain exactly what was going on in my head and why. I had never actually spent any time trying to understand how and why my mental health issues had developed. This uncharted territory of my mind was full of painful memories. I remember crying and seeing my hands start to shake as I voiced some of my thoughts, none of which had ever been stated aloud. Hearing myself speak my thoughts was horrifying and sad. I would never talk about or treat someone else the way I treated myself. My counselor was truly and genuinely invested in helping me. He assigned me different activities to try. First, it was a chart. At each meal I would write the time I started eating, the time I finished eating, what I ate, and how I felt while eating it. This taught me a lot about the connection between my emotions and food and about mindfulness, a practice that's easy to stray away from during college due to how are often you are rushing and eating in a hurry. My counselor also provided me with book excerpts written by others who had experienced the same things I had. I no longer felt like I was fighting this battle alone. When we began to discuss other aspects of my life, patterns emerged. It became apparent that I feared losing control in almost every part of my life. I juggled so many (too many*) different things throughout college, bent over backwards for friends at the expense of my mental health, and held myself to incredibly high, sometimes absurd, academic standards. My fear of losing control and habit of never saying "no" had led to burnout on several occasions. Each week I came away from my counseling session feeling reflective and inspired, having learned something new about myself. This experience was invaluable. Part 4: Now What?A lot has happened since I went to counseling. I met my best friend Adam, who understands what goes on in my mind better than most. I studied abroad in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. I graduated from college and started working in the music industry. I'd be lying if I told you that I haven't struggled with disordered eating since I went to counseling. Sometimes I still obsess or over-analyze or become fearful of losing control. It comes in waves. I'm sorry if that's sad or not the ending you expected. Mental health issues can be year, decade, or lifelong battles. I don't expect to ever fully overcome my disordered eating. That's not meant to be cynical. It's simply the truth. I have, however, made great strides in dealing with my mental health issues. Over this past summer, I trained with a personal trainer I had trained with in high school. I switched my focus from being thin to being strong, from being obsessive to being mindful. I've lost 18 pounds since May without counting calories. I am stronger and leaner than I have ever been and I'm proud of my body and proud of how hard I work to keep getting stronger. I still have the occasional craft beer, midnight snack, or oversized desert when I want to. I feel healthy, mentally and physically, so life is pretty good.
When I reflect on the past six years, it makes me sad that so much of my time was spent battling my disordered eating. However, confronting my mental health issues led to immense growth and learning. I know more about my character and what I value than I otherwise would. Saying that I'm grateful to have gone through what I did sounds odd, but I am. It has made me stronger, more self-aware, more confident, and more loving. Seeking help was the best thing I did for myself and I'm very lucky to have the support and resources in my life that I do. I've been meaning to write this post for a while, partially because I think it's important for me to remember what I experienced, but also because reading something like this a few years ago would have been very comforting to me. I hope that someone can take solace in the fact that they are not alone. More people are struggling with mental health issues than we realize. It took me years to reach out. In order to progress, we need to stop stigmatizing mental health issues and work towards empathy rather than judgment. Thanks for reading!
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Film is an incredible medium because it combines so many different art forms; acting, videography, cinematography, screenwriting, set and costume design, makeup, etc. Perhaps no art form is more inextricably linked to film than music. While viewing a film, most of us don't consciously acknowledge the music. However, if a film has little to no music, we will most certainly notice and the silence is likely to make us feel uncomfortable (e.g. No Country For Old Men). Music and film simply make sense together. A good film score should enhance the emotion and action of the film without being distracting to the viewer. A few years ago I made it my goal to start listening more closely to film music. Aside from the storyline, the score is what I pay the most attention to when viewing a film. The amount of extraordinary score music released throughout the history of film is overwhelming and I am by no means an expert, but I've decided to compile some of my favorites here along with a brief description of what I think makes them so memorable. Thanks for reading! Film: The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford Director: Andrew Dominik Starring: Brad Pitt, Casey Affleck, Sam Rockwell, Sam Shepard Music by: Nick Cave & Warren Ellis Standout tracks: "Moving On", "Last Ride to KC", "Song for Bob" Nick Cave and Warren Ellis (both of the band Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds) have made a name for themselves as film and theater score composers. The Assassination of Jesse James, the pair's second film score, serves as the perfect accompaniment for Dominik's well-crafted period piece about the myth and celebrity surrounding one of America's most famed outlaws. The score, like the film, moves slowly, but with clear intentions. Relying heavily on traditional instruments like strings and piano, Cave and Ellis succeed in balancing typically western sounds with the somber mood of the film. This score is unique in that it does not consist of sweeping symphony sounds, but rather a stripped down, raw sound (especially in the strings) that makes it feel as though the music came straight out of the American West. The pace of the score, its reliance on repetition of melodic patterns, and droning background sounds bring about a startlingly powerful feeling of wistfulness. The use of vibraphone and bells in the music, notably in "Song for Jesse", is a pleasantly whimsical surprise to the ears, but the beautifully sorrowful solo piano and violin melodies are what stand out to me the most. Cave & Ellis clearly know what they're doing. Simple, balanced, and moving, this is most definitely my favorite film score. If you like Jesse James, you'll also enjoy the scores for The Road and Hell Or High Water. Film: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Director: Peter Jackson Starring: Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Orlando Bloom, Viggo Mortensen Music by: Howard Shore Stand out tracks: "Concerning Hobbits", "The Black Rider" "The Breaking of the Fellowship" It sure is tough to sum this one up, but there was no way I was going to leave it off my list. The scale of this score is truly incredible. Shore used all of the resources available to him and had the score performed by the New Zealand Symphony Orchestra, the London Philharmonic Orchestra, and the London Voices. What was utterly vital to the story, and what Shore excelled at, was taking us, the viewers, to another world. He did this by threading into the score "over 90 identified leitmotifs (short, constantly recurring musical patterns), which are categorized by the Middle Earth cultures to which they relate." For example, "Concerning Hobbits" features the theme of the Shire and the Hobbits, while "A Knife in the Dark" features the theme of Isengard. These patterns are extremely distinct and recognizable. So many different instruments and sounds were utilized in this score that it's impossible to briefly describe the music in detail. However, I think something worth noting here is Shore's extensive use of vocal music. The vocal music, sung by a choir, takes on an ethereal quality when featured in songs that relate to the fellowship and their allies, and a hauntingly ominous quality when featured in songs that relate to the evil forces in the story. One of the most impactful vocal pieces is "In Dreams", sung by Edward Ross of the London Oratory School Schola and featured in "The Breaking of the Fellowship". It truly amazes me that when I hear a song from LOTR, I can immediately picture the scene, remember what was happening in the story, and most importantly, feel the emotion of the moment. No listener would disagree that the music of the LOTR is beautiful, emotional, and powerful, but for those who followed the Fellowship from the Shire to Mt. Doom and back, it is so much more than that.
This is one of the most moving scenes in the film and represents the power and emotional significance of music. Although the film is comprised mostly of Chopin pieces, it would be remiss of me not to mention Kilar's "Moving to the Ghetto Oct. 31, 1940", which serves as the theme for the film. The solo clarinet is a sorrowful representation of the horrifying routine Jewish people faced in the Warsaw Ghetto each and every day. My favorite scene, and arguably the most significant in the film, is when Szpilman play Chopin's Ballade in G Minor for Nazi officer, Wilm Hosenfeld (above video). Not only is the music relevant to the story, its beauty serves to contrast (and sometimes enhance) the utter darkness and horror of the time period. The piano specifically is a silver lining, both for the viewer and for Szpilman, reminding us that we are all human and that salvation is possible. The music of The Pianist doesn't simply enhance the story; it carries it.
Tension and anticipation mount as the viewer begins to understand that the Joker himself is present at the bank robbery. As the Joker approaches the bank manager, we hear that raw droning again. It turns out that the sound is a mixture of a slowly bowed cello and guitars played with pieces of metal. The volume and intensity of the sound builds and builds as the Joker says, "I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you...". Then we hear strings rapidly dropping in tone, causing a feeling of dread, as the Joker removes his mask and says, ...stranger." When describing the process of creating these sounds, Zimmer is quoted as saying, "I took the idea of anarchy, someone who has that philosophy, what that does, and that fearlessness. And I thought, 'What if I can define a character in one note?" Actually, it's two notes that clash beautifully with each other and make it really like a taught string that gets tighter and tighter but never breaks." What makes Hans Zimmer a risk-taker is his choice to create a score full of annoying, ear-splitting sounds. He said he wanted to create something people could "truly hate". Logic says that that wouldn't work, that it would make the audience feel put-off. Yet, it worked...extremely well. And it elevated The Dark Knight to a level most other superhero films have not attained. Film: E.T. the Extra Terrestrial Director: Steven Spielberg Starring: Dee Wallace, Henry Thomas, Peter Coyote Music by: John Williams Stand out tracks: "E.T. And Elliot Get Drunk", "The Magic Of Halloween", "End Credits" I didn’t see E.T. until I was 18 (weird, I know) and it was assigned to my Music for Film class. It was the first time I had paid such close attention to film music and the first time I wrote in great detail about its impact on storytelling. E.T. is the film that sparked my interest in score music and will therefore always have a special place in my heart. What I love most about the score is how it enhances and directly relates to all of the actions taking place in the film. This is especially apparent in the scene where E.T. and Elliot accidentally get drunk. The scene opens with a curious E.T. rummaging through the refrigerator. The strings in the background give the viewer a slight sense of danger. We know that E.T. shouldn’t be in the fridge and the music mixed with his discovery of beer tells us something bad might happen. Mixing in the playful woodwind section portrays E.T.’s curiosity and adds to the humor. When E.T. burps, Elliot burps. The only problem is that Elliot is in the middle of class at school. With each scene change (from E.T. to Elliot), the music changes as well. Strings that begin on a high note and quickly descend help us understand Elliot’s worry and confusion at his own intoxication. Elliot’s music is opposite E.T.’s in that the former is more serious, while the latter is playful and comical. My favorite part of the scene is when E.T. walks across the kitchen and the back and forth staccato notes (played by a mixture of woodwinds and horns) match the beat of his footsteps, ceasing when E.T. hits his head on the cupboard and burps. The climax of the scene is when Elliot’s kiss with a classmate is paralleled with E.T.’s viewing of The Quiet Man on TV. The music turns from chaos to beauty. Students and frogs are running loose in the classroom, but we can only hear the scene from the movie E.T. is watching. Elliot has his first kiss and E.T. can feel the sensation through Elliot’s experience. John Williams’ genius is shown at the end of the kiss when the source music used smoothly leads into the original E.T. theme. The whole scene comes back around and reminds us that E.T. and Elliot are experiencing the same feelings in unique ways. If not for the music during this scene, E.T. and Elliot’s experiences would seem too separate from each other. E.T.’s experience would be seen as strictly comical while Elliot’s would seem too serious. The music connects the two characters and shows that E.T. and Elliot’s experiences are humorous, but have consequences as well. We are reminded that the two beings are inextricably connected. The score for E.T. is truly a masterpiece and I could analyze it for hours. It enhances emotions and makes the already heartwarming story even more dramatic than it already is. John Williams’ musical style relies heavily on full orchestration to create huge, overwhelming tone changes and mixes the real with the fantastical to link the magic of E.T.’s visit to earth with the reality of Elliot’s life in suburbia. The music is a major part of what makes E.T. such a marvelous film. Other Favorites
It might not seem like an important issue amid all the other issues we are facing, and it's hardly ever front page news, but that's exactly why I'm writing this post. As someone who studied the music industry and took a class specifically on copyright law, this is an issue that is important to me. When will Republicans stop using music without the artist's permission and why does it matter? Let me explain... Today, the estate of George Harrison stated that the use of "Here Comes the Sun", which played as Ivanka Trump took the stage to speak at the Republican National Convention, was unauthorized and offensive. This statement came mere days after Donald Trump made his entrance to "We Are the Champions", prompting Queen to state that the use was unauthorized and went against their wishes. They later (through Sony) said, "We are frustrated by the repeated unauthorised use of the song after a previous request to desist, which has obviously been ignored by Mr. Trump and his campaign. Queen does not want its music associated with any mainstream or political debate in any country. Nor does Queen want We are the Champions to be used as an endorsement of Mr. Trump and the political views of the Republican Party. We trust, hope and expect that Mr. Trump and his campaign will respect these wishes moving forward." Can't really make it any clearer than that, can they? You don't have to know much about Freddie Mercury to know why the use of a Queen song at a Republican convention is painfully ironic. And while we're on the topic of the RNC, let us not forget about Melania Trump's plagiarized speech, which her speech writer admits contained sections stolen from Michelle Obama's 2008 DNC speech. Although not misuse of a song, the same principles apply and the same disrespect occurred. Ok, so the Trump campaign just doesn't care about copyright law or intellectual property rights. We found this out over a year ago when Neil Young objected to Trump's use of "Rockin' in the Free World", saying Trump did not have permission and he did not approve of the use. It's not just Trump though. And before you say, "Don't Democrats do it too?", take a look at this article in which author Walt Hickey (conveniently for me) lists the thirty times that musicians have objected to the use of their songs in presidential campaigns starting with Bruce Springsteen objecting to Ronald Reagan's use of "Born in the USA" in 1984. Of those thirty incidents, democrats have only been asked to stop using a song twice. One reason this repeatedly happens with Republicans is the entertainment industry's overwhelmingly left-leaning population. So far in 2016, 77% of political donations made by people in the TV, movie, and music industries has gone to democrats. I will never forget when Paul Ryan, who had publicly spoken about his love of the band Rage Against the Machine, was shot down by Tom Morello himself. In a 2012 Rolling Stone article, Morello responded by saying that "Paul Ryan is the embodiment of the machine our music rages against." He went on to say, among other things, "Don't mistake me, I clearly see that Ryan has a whole lotta "rage" in him: A rage against women, a rage against immigrants, a rage against workers, a rage against gays, a rage against the poor, a rage against the environment. Basically the only thing he's not raging against is the privileged elite he's groveling in front of for campaign contributions." OUCH. Truthfully, that was one of my favorite moments of the 2012 presidential campaign. But I digress. It's obvious that Hollywood is majority liberal, but that can't be the only reason Republicans keep using songs without asking. Do they not ask because they know what the answer will be? Surely there are some Ted Nugent or Kid Rock songs that they could use at their rallies. I get it...it's difficult to create an epic campaign playlist when your options are so limited. But that most certainly does not make it ok to not ask permission from an artist to use their song. Some of you might be thinking, 'Why does it matter? It's just a song.' Here is where the law and, more importantly, the art come into play. Let's start with the law. There is a lot that can be discussed, but I will try to keep this brief and concise. The Copyright Act of 1790 was the first federal copyright act in the United States. This act dealt mostly with the protection of printed materials (maps, charts, books, etc.) as the technology that made recording music possible did not exist yet. The Copyright Act was updated several times over the next 186 years, the most notable update being the Copyright Act of 1976, which is the law we follow today. A crucial part of the law is the exclusive rights it grants to copyright owners in section 106. (Seen below courtesy of the Cornell Legal Information Institute.) In the case of songs being used without permission at political rallies, exclusive right number four is extremely important. What some might not fully understand is the word "perform". Oftentimes, when we think of a performance, we think of the artist themselves playing their song live. But in copyright law, performing a work publicly includes instances in which a recording is transmitted out loud in a public space. So when a politician uses an artist's song without permission, they are expressly breaking copyright law. Fun fact: bar and restaurant owners pay a yearly fee to performing rights organizations to play music in their establishments. Why? Because it's the legal, respectful, right thing to do. Why can't politicians do the same? And what are the consequences for them? Many artists probably don't think it's worth the time, money, or hassle to bring a lawsuit against everyone that misuses their music. Which might be another reason politicians don't bother to ask first. They know that the song will get played before the band can do or say anything about it. Then, all they have to deal with is a statement from the band the next day saying, "Hey...can you not?" Not a very harsh penalty and a huge reason this issue angers me. Copyright law exists for a very specific, important reason. It is simply unfair and disrespectful to an artist to misuse their music, especially when so many songs misused by Republican politicians contain lyrics and messages that directly oppose the ideals and platform of the Republican party. (I could write a whole other blog post about the hypocrisy, but I'll just link you to this hilarious article instead.) What does having your music misused feel like? The simplest analogy is to imagine that you go to work every day, work hard, and don't get paid or get any credit for your dedication. Or you speak your mind only to have your words twisted and used to promote an idea you don't agree with.
The blatant disregard for the rights afforded to intellectual property (yes, music is the artist's property and breaking copyright law means you are stealing) and lack of consequences leads to the devaluation of music, something artists and passionate citizens and lawmakers have been trying to reverse ever since CD's, MP3's, and streaming were introduced and changed the music industry forever. The message this misuse sends to the public is that music and lyrics (or words in the case of Michelle Obama's speech) don't matter, which is so far from the truth. Not only is music an artist's occupation, it is their art. It's personal, it's meaningful, it has the power to influence and change the course of world events, and it comes from the soul. Taking anything from someone without asking is wrong, but taking something that another person created is cruel. Associating someone else's words and sounds with your political agenda without asking them first is unfair. Politicians work for an institution that creates laws and encourages people to follow them. It's time for them to start doing the same.
Most who don't "make it" choose to be transformed into a dog, exhibit A being David's brother, a border collie he takes care of. But David chooses a lobster for their long lifespan, lifelong fertility, blue blood ("like aristocrats"), and because he quite likes the sea. Strange rituals and rules at the hotel create a totalitarian style community where all of the women wear the same dresses and all of the men wear the same suits to the scheduled dances, which might as well be called "scheduled awkwardness". Coupledom is so highly valued in this society that those who choose to be alone ("The Loners") live in the woods where they are frequently hunted by the guests of the hotel. Every Loner a person successfully tranquilizes equals an additional day's stay at the hotel, giving them more time to find "love". In the same sense that being single ostracizes a person in the larger society, entering into a relationship is cause for punishment among The Loners. The punishments for straying away from the "norms" of either group are no slap on the wrist; they are deeply disturbing and painful, which explains why a large majority of people stick to the status quo. The relationships that develop at the hotel are usually based on the two people involved having one unique thing in common that, despite having little to do with who they are as people, makes them more compatible and understanding of each other. If one person fakes having something in common with another, there will be consequences. David learns this lesson the hard way when he attempts to connect with a heartless woman, leading to a deeply traumatic incident for him and, arguably the most nausea inducing scene in the entire film. Eventually, David meets a loner, played by Rachel Weisz, who changes everything for him. For a few beautiful scenes, things seem to finally working in his favor. However, the deeply ingrained expectation that lovers must have something very specific in common proves problematic. It seems that if you want to survive in this world (assumed to be a future version of our own) there is simply no escaping heterosexual monogamy. You are either a part of the system or you are running for your life from it. The film is especially relevant considering we live in a world where people still have their civil rights restricted by law and sometimes have to fear for their safety and well-being because of their race, sexuality, and religion, among other things. I have great respect for directors who are willing to put large amounts of time and money into films for the sake of art and meaning, which is what Greek director Yorgos Lanthimos has done in The Lobster, his first English language film. The Lobster doesn't exist only to shock, disgust, or confuse. The entire film is a social commentary, and it's an unconventional one at that. It seems you could analyze this film scene by scene and still be unsure about exactly what Lanthimos was trying to say with each visual or line of dialogue, but there are some themes in the film that make the overall message clear. One major theme is that societal expectations oftentimes influence our choices and therefore, determine the way we live our lives. Another is that there are consequences for not fitting society's norms and sometimes, we are not even given the choice to step outside of the role we are expected to fill. One scene where this is apparent is when David first arrives at the hotel. The receptionist asks him what his sexual preference is. David thinks it over and asks if he is allowed to identify as bisexual. The response is, no, you must identify as either heterosexual or homosexual. (It is not said what happens to those who identify as homosexual.) The film also comments on the expectation we have to appear and behave a certain way; women wear dresses, men wear suits, women need men to protect them, all people must seek monogamous relationships, etc. Sexual taboos, such as masturbation, are discouraged and those found to have engaged in them are publicly shamed. Of course, it is not surprising to find that this way of living leads to a lack of genuineness and a large privilege gap between the conforming and the non-conforming. It can't be said that The Lobster is fun to watch or that it will have you in stitches. It's not a heart-wrenching rom-com with a satisfying, too good to be true ending. It is, however, a film you will never forget. You will laugh, and then question why you are laughing at something so dark. You will be uncomfortable and look away occasionally, wondering what the point of this film is. You will feel grateful for John C. Reilly's character, who provides a lightness throughout a film that lacks it. Most importantly, you will think. Because there is no logical explanation for why things are happening, you are forced to question what they mean and what the film is trying to say. Watching The Lobster was a unique experience and I will most certainly be paying attention to Lanthimos' next project as it is bound to be interesting. Photos courtesy of IMDB and ScreenPrism.com. "Take your time, Things will be just fine. Don't bite the hand that feeds, 'Cause nothing is ever mine. And just wait your turn, And always try to learn To love the ones that don't show love in return." The song is "Black and White". The artist is Tempe based Alternative Rock band The Maine. They're the perfect lyrics to describe the band, who are five of the most upstanding guys in the music industry. I was inspired to write this post after watching the band's latest video for their song "Am I Pretty?' It reminded of all the things that make The Maine truly outstanding and deserving of their success. There's no band more fitting to start my artist spotlight series with. For this post, I wanted to touch on (almost) all of The Maine's career so I invited a few friends, who I know also love the band, to contribute to this post. They were all immediately interested in helping out which was awesome. Each person is credited in their respective section(s)!
Imagine a voice spectrum; on one end you have the pop-punk "accent" (think Tom DeLonge, Alex Gaskarth, Jeremy McKinnon) and on the other end you have a warmer, more even tone with clear enunciation. Lead singer John O'Callaghan's voice hovers delicately on this spectrum, sometimes leaning towards one extreme or the other, but never spending too much time in one place. Lyrically, CSWS covers a few subjects. Of course love is one ("I Must Be Dreaming") and heartbreak is one ("Into Your Arms"), but the album is also about the incredible bond between friends and what moving on feels like. It's difficult to explain, but sometimes an album comes into your life at the most opportune time and you feel it so deeply. You feel every emotion in your gut and every single note and lyric hits you the way it was meant to. Can't Stop, Won't Stop is one of those albums for me. It was the soundtrack to my youth. When this album was released and The Maine was touring in support of it, I was 15-16 years old and I continued to listen to it throughout high school. At the time I thought that everything happening in my life was a big deal. Every experience I had with relationships, friendships, and life choices was the most significant emotional experience I had up to that point. As an adult, that's laughable, but at the time my feelings were real and The Maine put them into song form. For me, some standout tracks on CSWS are "Time To Go", "We'll All Be", and "You Left Me" (a song with an extremely unexpected sound), but no song means as much to me as "We All Roll Along". The opening guitar chords always make my stomach drop in a nostalgic way that transports me back to a different time in my life. The lyrics of the chorus are full of cliches, but they hit the nail on the head with what it feels like to grow up, deal with fear of the unknown, and yearn for a time when things were simpler: We're alive and we drive to the center of it. Where we know we're all fine and this just can't be it And in the end we all know we only breathe for so long. So tonight's the night we all roll along. The line, "You're all a part of me" and the way John sings it may be simple, but it is so intentional and meaningful. "We All Roll Along" will never not be my favorite song by The Maine. During this time, my friends and I were what you'd call "fangirls". I want to be clear about the fact that there is nothing wrong with being labeled as such. When I was 16, music and the bands that made the music I loved were my entire world. I could go to a show and actually meet the person whose photos covered my binders at school. More importantly, I could actually talk to the person who wrote the songs that made me feel better when I was sad. The Maine were already adults at the time and it must have been weird for them to see young fans obsess over them and cry when they met them, but the band members were always so understanding of what their fans were experiencing. On top of that, they were appreciative. They realized the role that we played in their career and they made it clear how grateful they were for us. The first time I saw The Maine, they held an "after party" at a local Denny's. There, they met all their fans after the show, took photos with us, and signed our merch for a couple hours before hitting the road again. The second time I saw them, they took photos with us before the show and gladly obliged when we all asked for hugs. And the third time I saw The Maine, one of my friends jokingly asked John to prom and they took a prom pose photo together. It's important to remember that they did all of these things (and continue to do all of these things) when they don't have to. Bands have no obligation to hang out before and after shows. After a long day of driving, setting up, soundchecking, and playing, they have every right to get back on their bus and drive on to the next city. The Maine don't pick and choose when they they meet their fans...they do it after every show on every tour. Not only does The Maine always come out to meet their fans, they do it with smiles on their faces. I don't know anyone who has ever walked away from an interaction with The Maine thinking, 'Wow, they weren't as nice as I thought.' or 'I wish I hadn't met them.' The Maine wouldn't be where they are today without the fans and they have never lost sight of that fact. They are truly the most genuine, kindhearted musicians I have met in my ten years of going to shows and working in the music industry. In the summer of 2014, I was working as a Customer Service intern for Superfly, the co-founding company of the Bonnaroo and Outside Lands music festivals. It was my last week in San Francisco and I was working at Outside Lands, which felt like a vacation compared to Bonnaroo. The other intern, Frankie, and I were driving a golf cart around the festival grounds near the operations trailers. As we drove, I saw two men walking along the dirt path. I told (not asked) Frankie to pull over...I had to get out and talk to them for a minute. I approached the two men and said, "Hi, I'm Mary. I wanted to stop and say hi because I've been a fan of The Maine for years and I wanted to thank you." Who had I run into? John O'Callaghan, lead singer of The Maine, with his long, blonde (at the time) hair, wearing faded, light blue skinny jeans that were cuffed at the bottom and circular, John Lennon style sunglasses. (He had been walking with Eric Halvorsen...A Rocket To The Moon anyone?!) John was so incredibly nice. When I told him that their music had been the soundtrack to my high school years he said, "Thank you so much. That' s awesome!" He then proceeded to ask me, with genuine interest, what I was doing at Outside Lands and what I want to do in the music industry. He told me he was most excited to see Tom Petty live for the first time that weekend, I told him to enjoy the festival and we parted ways. It was a brief encounter, but it meant so much to me. I was no longer a teenager and was so proud to be finally working in the music industry. John being so genuine and kindhearted felt like the perfect culmination to my teenage years. It was so refreshing to know that I loved The Maine for all the right reasons. They are part of the reason I pursued music as a career so it was amazing to know that they are truly exactly as they present themselves. Growing Up: The Black and White EraBy Hannah Larson Black and White was The Maine’s second studio album released back in 2010. From the upbeat, energetic single "Inside of You", to the “ballad” of sorts that is "Growing Up", to the catchy, more mature lyrics of "Right Girl", Black and White offers something for everyone all while sticking to The Maine's signature sound. It was Black and White that made me fall in love with The Maine. I remember watching their behind the scenes footage of making Black and White and being so excited for it to come out just because of how they spoke about it. John, Jared, Garrett, Kennedy and Pat were so proud of this album and what they had created. You can tell how important it was to them by listening to the lyrics and the meanings behind each song on the album. The Maine is one of many bands my friends and I have bonded over throughout the years. From going to concerts together, to dancing and singing their lyrics at the top of our lungs, to staying after shows just to meet the band, The Maine has had a huge impact on all of our lives in many ways. Each album and each song has had different meanings for everything we were going through at the time and still do to this day. I remember each and every time I have seen The Maine in concert and I still get excited to see them when they come to town. The energy they have on stage is amazing, they never disappoint and they take the time to meet fans after each show. One of my favorite memories is going to one of their shows in Buffalo with all my friends. After the show we waited outside to meet the boys. My friends had talked me into asking John O to prom and caught the whole thing on video. Every time I watch that video it brings me back and reminds me just how much The Maine meant to all of us back then. I don’t think there is a song on Black and White that I don’t like, but there are a few that meant, and still mean a lot to me. I remember hearing "Color" for the first time, listening to the lyrics, and thinking how amazing of a message it sends. The line, "we’re just trying to find some color in this black and white world” always sticks out to me. It's a song everyone can relate to whether you like The Maine or not. The lyrics serve as a reminder to stay positive and let everything fall into place, that you’re not alone and that it’s okay to feel “fucked up” sometimes. "Right Girl" is another one of my favorite songs on the album. While it sticks to their signature sound, we see a sense of maturity in the context and lyrics of the song, which is about being drunk and messing up a chance with the "right girl". On Black and White I liked that The Maine stayed true to who they are as a band, but edged it up a bit and have gotten a little edgier with each album after that. When I think of Black and White, I think of the song "Growing Up". I still remember a contest my friends and I entered years ago. We had to use "Growing Up" as our audio and create a video explaining what it meant to us in a video. Together as a group we worked on the contest using pictures that spanned from when we were babies, to growing up together over the years, to present day. We didn’t win, but listening to that song and watching that video, even now, brings back so many memories of our friendship and who we are. When I think of The Maine, I think of Black and White. I think of all the memories I have with my friends and the life lessons I learned from this album. Coming Into Their Own: Pioneer
Unfortunately, this wasn’t the path that Warner Brothers had mapped out for The Maine and with that, they turned down the demos and told the guys to keep working. The Maine were completely lost in their ways because they couldn’t see why such an amazing album could be turned down. In their eyes, it was the best work they had ever done. However, this set back only pushed the guys to create and record even more sound. So they went back to El Paso to finish what they had started. In the midst of this, there were talks about not being able to thrive creatively in this environment and the band coming to an end if they continued under these circumstances. They collectively decided to write a letter to their label expressing how they felt and how they would like to be removed from them completely. This entire experience with their record label lit a fire under them; their passion was so high to create something incredible and on December 6th, 2011 Pioneer was released. Pioneer was the turning point of The Maine’s career. In my opinion, it is absolutely overall the best work they’ve ever put together. Most independent albums never do as well, but this album is definitely a fan favorite. I was a very big fan of them at the time and didn’t really know that this album was being put together until one day on Facebook I saw The Maine post about a new album called Pioneer. I don’t know if I’ve ever purchased something as quickly as I did Pioneer. Yes, I was a fan of their music previously but I can definitely say with every fiber of my being that Pioneer is what made them who they are. It made me turn to them and really appreciate the artistry these five guys encompass together. From front to back this album tells a story with songs like “My Heroine” and “Time” overlaying each other and a hidden track called “One Pack of Smokes From Broke”. My favorite song of theirs is on this album and it’s entitled “Like We Did (Windows Down)”. It’s a song I turn towards when I need cheering up but it’s also one I can jam out to when I’m in a great mood. Throughout 2012, The Maine toured worldwide off of Pioneer’s success. I attended the tour in Upstate NY about a month before I graduated from high school and it was the best show I’ve ever been to of theirs. The feeling I had inside was something I’ve never felt before as confetti showered over me while the opening chords to “Identify” rattled in my ears. I felt at peace; I felt like this is where I needed to be; I felt at home. In the summer of 2012, they released The Good Love EP which was comprised of the B-sides to Pioneer. “Take Me Dancing”, a little tune about John’s father, was probably my favorite song off of that EP, but each song has its own feel and story behind it that just really stays with you. This EP got me through my first semester of college with its meaningful lyrics and uplifting sound. I actually bonded with my freshman year roommate over The Maine and our love for them (we still live together 4 years later). Something that I really appreciate about The Maine is how they truly do have creative control to put out their own music and how frequently they put out new tunes. It makes me proud to know how hard they fought for the right to have creative control and that they don’t take it for granted. Shortly after the release of more songs, The Maine introduced a new documentary entitled “Anthem For A Dying Breed” that would be available in December of 2012. The documentary would follow the process of creating Pioneer so that each fan could understand what they truly went through to get this music to us. Most of this information I’m spewing at you actually came from said documentary. Forever HalloweenBy Aimee Albright After months of worldwide touring, The Maine posted a new video on their YouTube channel. They started writing for their new album that won a spot in Alternative Press’ most anticipated albums of 2013 list. In February of 2013, The Maine went to Nashville to record their new album on tape. They worked with Brendan Benson of The Raconteurs to help make the vision of this album a reality. In Nashville, the guys worked out of a studio that was pretty spread apart in terms of rooms which was pretty ideal for what they were trying to accomplish. Album #4 was to be recorded completely live and on tape as well. Amps were in different rooms of the studio so that sound wouldn’t blend together, but Garrett, Jared, and Kennedy were essentially all playing in the same room as Pat. John would be in a separate room recording his vocals to get a precise acoustic sound and while this was all happening, Brendan was recording them on tape. This process hasn’t been done in years thanks to the technological advances in the music industry, but The Maine wanted to shake up their recording process a little bit. These guys seem to like trying new things, especially in the realm of recording and writing together, which they usually do all together, secluded from family, friends, and significant others. As a band, The Maine thought it’d be funny to send blank discs to random fans that contained a very disturbing loop of voices repeating “forever Halloween” for about 2 minutes straight. Very soon after some fans were deeply disturbed, they put a video of the same loop on their YouTube channel. This was their hint at their new album which would be entitled Forever Halloween and would be released on June 4th, 2013. The guys had some fun with these promotional tactics, like releasing a spoof song called “Pretty Pretty Balloons” that they claimed was on their new album, which it absolutely was not on. This kind of humor really shows the connection this band has with their fan base, which they are notorious for looking after. Forever Halloween has what I would call a more emo vibe to it, and I’m sure the guys would appreciate that. In all seriousness, this album had a darker tone to it which most can tell by the artwork on it (the singer, John, depicted as a skeleton with a black background). Songs like “Blood Red”, “Forever Halloween”, and “White Walls” have a darker sound to them. On the contrary, there are songs like “Sad Songs”, “Happy”, and “Take What You Can Carry” with a more upbeat sound but still had darker lyrical content. “Happy” was the first single released from this album which really gave the fans a taste of what this album would sound like. In the summer of 2013, The Maine and friends embarked on a continent-wide tour called the 8123 Tour. The tour featured Brighten, A Rocket To The Moon (their final tour), and This Century. I caught this tour in Asbury Park, New Jersey in July of 2013 and it was one to remember. I traveled pretty far for this tour and I’m glad I did because not only did The Maine play some new songs off of Forever Halloween, but they played classics like “Count ‘Em One, Two, Three” and a new rendition of “Whoever She Is” which I thought was amazing. But I can’t mention this tour without talking about the live version of “We All Roll Along” where the very important lyrics “eighty one, twenty three, means everything to me” were belted by all of the fans in the crowd. This simple phrase, which most people don’t understand at all, is something that I know creates a community of people who care so much about each other and these musical groups. After this tour, I met an online community of people who love The Maine just as much as I do. I’ve made so many friends through a 5 piece band from Arizona that I wouldn’t have ever come across if I hadn’t attended that Boys Like Girls concert way back when I was 15. The Maine were very busy at the end of 2013 and into early 2014; they simultaneously released an acoustic EP called Imaginary Numbers and created an acoustic tour. The sound of Imaginary Numbers followed Forever Halloween’s with that same darker feeling behind it. “Lovely Sad” and “Visions” perfectly describe this feeling with lyrics like “The what-if’s and the should-have’s, they start to eat my brain. The shadow of my youth has made the sun go black again”. The winter acoustic tour was called An Acoustic Evening With The Maine, an up close and personal performance that hit only a handful of major cities across the US. The band, knowing they only saw a fraction of the people who endlessly support them, released a video of their acoustic tour so everyone across the world could experience this intimate performance. The video was recorded at their hometown show in Arizona so that fans could get a feel for the special show they put on for their community at home. In the spring of 2014, The Maine announced that they would be joining the Vans Warped Tour all summer long. This was pretty big news seeing as how they hadn’t been on the tour since 2011. Later on in 2014, they also announced that they would be releasing Forever Halloween Deluxe Edition which would include five extra tracks. This news was huge to the fans because one of the extra tracks was the widely known “Ice Cave” warmup/tuning song they performed at many shows over the past couple of years. Many fans were awaiting a studio version of this song, which had gained a lot of attention over the internet since most fans didn’t know what was happening every time they performed this little tune. In the summer of 2014, I attended the Vans Warped Tour date in Long Island and there I got a taste of how The Maine promotes in a very different way than most bands. I was at guest list waiting to get my bracelet when I saw Kennedy and Pat walking around with signs and boxes of CDs. They were selling the deluxe edition of Forever Halloween for the reasonable price of $5. I had the chance to talk to Kennedy and grab a CD from him while I was waiting in the brutally sun. The Maine weren’t playing until later in the day so I had some time to kill and enjoy the atmosphere around me. I was baking in the sun by the time I got to see some bands I was dying to see and meet some band members. Something I notice about The Maine is how good they are at creating a community at these types of music festivals, but it honestly can’t compare to the intimacy of a show of theirs in a smaller venue to a familiar crowd. Once The Maine finished their summer at Warped Tour, they embarked on a new tour which would start in the later part of 2014 called “Farewell Forever Halloween”. A lot of people took this title the wrong way and thought the band was breaking up, which is when I passionately told people the correct information. I distinctly remember getting a little too feisty with someone who thought I didn’t know my facts and I honestly think I scared them a little. This tour was supposed to commemorate the era of Forever Halloween and help the group move onto the new musical era. This tour also hit only a few large cities around the country so the guys could get back to making music. After Halloween of 2014, The Maine announced that they would be taking a break from social media in order to write a more intimate album together. The band set off for Joshua Tree, California where they were secluded once again to push out another piece of audio work. This silence was known as “The Blackout” and lasted until after the New Year in 2015, about a two month long period. This was unusual and very difficult for some fans because this band is always so diligent about keeping the fans up to pace with what they’re doing in the studio. Forever Halloween had multiple studio and writing updates, but with this new album we were left in the dark. Although, I can’t say it was completely awful because it was so refreshing when they finally came back in 2015.
The lyric video for “English Girls” was the first glimpse of the new music back in February of that year. Then, after the album was released, the actual video for the song came out in June. Visually the clips in the actual video show a story of vocalist John O'Callaghan having the same occurrence at a bar happen over and over again. In the original occurrence, a random girl, whom he’s attracted to, collides with a waiter causing drinks to spill everywhere. From then on out, John has the same situation happen over but tries to stop it each time. Each time he “saves” the girl but keeps flashing back to the beginning until he eventually wakes up in a bed with drummer Patrick Kirch. Musically the track is the classic, upbeat style the Maine has been known for in the past with O’Callaghan singing one of the catchiest chorus lines the band has ever been a part of: He said, “Smoke whatever you've got left, It's getting late and We don't have much to lose” Well she said, “English girls they just like sex” I couldn't believe when he said, “I've got news for you American boys do too.” “English Girls” set the tone for sure but American Candy as a whole is a work of art without a bad song on it in my opinion. It’s rare when you can put on a record and just play it front to back without skipping a single track. I honestly believe each song could be a hit of its own. American Candy was no doubt one of my favorite releases in 2015. I jam to it every month still and try to get as many people as I can to give the songs a listen. The video for “Am I Pretty?” sends an absolutely beautiful message. It begins with interviews of fans who’ve been through various individual life obstacles such as confidence issues, abuse, and gender identity. With this short film the band tries to emphasize self-acceptance no matter what flaw one may have. In reference to the video, O’Callaghan wrote, “you are beautiful because there never has been, nor will there ever be anyone else on this Earth like you,” on the band’s Facebook page. This message hits deep for many people. The lyrics of the song even express the self-doubt of oneself: Am I pretty? Do people like me yet? Is there a party? Am I invited? Another notable track is “24 Floors” for me. The song handles the topic of depression and suicide with the imagery of the protagonist considering jumping from a hotel room. Kudos for the Maine for really tackling some tough issues that people face. This one’s mood really reminds me of the vibe from the Imaginary Numbers EP and “These Four Words” off of Forever Halloween. Overall though, I love it when a band uses their platform, of whatever fame they have, to speak about real problems and attempt to inspire others out of whatever ruts they be in. Another reminder we are all in this together and should be there to help one another. American Candy is an album you can dance to, an album you can bop your head to, and an album you can sing along to passionately. The Maine really prove that they are a force that should be paid attention to. When you think of alternative rock bands, you should think of the Maine. From August to October of that year the band embarked on a string of shows that were totally free of charge. “The Free For All Tour” spanned all across the United States and the shows were in out-of-the-ordinary places such as radio stations and parks. Why would the band do this you ask? “We just want it to be a big party and an opportunity for people who can’t afford to buy a ticket to come,” said Kirch. Surely this is a sign that the members of the Maine are in the music industry for reasons other than money. Another great year for the well-intentioned band who deserve everything they have. I'm already looking forward to the next album cycle and everything it has to offer. We All Have Been The GreatestSo, there you have it. Hopefully this post has either reaffirmed your love for The Maine or encouraged you to listen to them for the first time. If anything, I hope that we've all made it clear why The Maine is such an incredible artist and why us fans appreciate them so damn much. I'd like to end by saying "thank you" to The Maine. Thanks for all the amazing music, for picking us up when we're down, for being really freaking nice, for putting so much passion and love into everything you do, and for being there for us through it all. These past twelve years have been a journey of self-discovery and growth and you've been there the whole way.
The Beginning: I Hate RunningFlashback to 2010, the year I became a runner. I could see that I was gaining weight and knowing that I would be transferring to a public school the following September, I felt like I had to do something to improve my health. Little did I know how much this decision would change my life. If someone had stopped me on my first run and said, "you'll run two half-marathons before you graduate college", I would have laughed in their face. I was moderately athletic, having played softball and tennis for several years, but I remember my first runs. I stopped at every street corner, doubled over, breathing as if I had just been chased by Michael Myers. Those first few weeks, months, whatever it was, were the most challenging, mentally and physically. Not only did everything hurt, but I felt pathetic for constantly having to stop. I still remember the day I came home and triumphantly told my mom, "I ran a mile without stopping!" Looking back, I think that moment served as a catalyst for the miles and miles to come. At this point, I still despised running. I dreaded it and repeatedly told myself I'd never come to like it, but I really wanted to do something other than sit on my butt after school every day. When I started attending Ken-West, I reconnected with most of my friends from middle school. There are two people from this time in my life that were instrumental in making me a better, more committed runner. First, there was Kate. She was (and still is) a lot like me in terms of our history with food and exercise. She was also an athlete growing up, highly skilled in hockey and softball. Despite being active she struggled, like I did, to keep weight off. During our junior year of high school we became workout and concert buddies. I include the concerts because the types of shows we went to were workouts in themselves. To this day I wonder how many calories we burned on average jumping around and crowd surfing in a Bring Me The Horizon pit. Kate and I started working out together pretty often. By senior year we were going to the gym together every afternoon. Kate and I became a little extreme that year. I used Weight Watchers points and was so committed to it that I lost twenty pounds. I still let myself splurge every once in a while, but I was very consistently aware of my portion sizes. It's also important to note that during my senior year of high school I didn't really have much to stress about. Academics were manageable, I had a great social life, and I had more than enough time to dedicate to diet and exercise. I wanted to be as fit as possible before heading off to college because I knew it would be more difficult to stay in shape and I experienced mounting anxiety about gaining the "Freshman 15". Kate was my rock when it came to the ups and downs of my fitness journey. We kept each other on track, sharing what we ate each day. We pushed each other to work hard at the gym. And we were able to share with each other how food could make us feel. Sometimes anxious, sometimes angry, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes guilty. Kate had a huge positive impact on my life. The other person who greatly influenced my running was Graham, my boyfriend at the time. During the Fall he ran on the X-Country team, in the Winter he ran Indoor Track, and in the Spring he did Track & Field. At this time, I still stood by my running mantra, "I hate this, but it works so I'll do it." I didn't consider myself a "runner". I used to tell people, "I run, but I'm not a runner." Graham was a "real" runner, I was worse than average, just trying to keep weight off. Now, I am adamantly against that logic and believe in the John Bingham quote, “If you run, you are a runner. It doesn't matter how fast or how far. It doesn't matter if today is your first day or if you've been running for twenty years. There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get. You just run.” I remember watching Graham's races, talking to him before and after each one, seeing his passion for running and trying to understand the pressure he put on himself to be faster. I remember how a bad race could affect him for days and how euphoric he looked and felt after he set a PR in the mile. We used to jokingly bicker about whether or not running was fun and I'll never forget the time we ran together and he ran backwards in front of me most of the way, laughing. Whenever I would say, without a shadow of a doubt, that I couldn't get any faster than I was he would say, "Yes you can. You don't think so, but if you trained, especially on a team, you'd be faster." I would get angry. "No, you don't understand. I can't make my body go any faster than it already does. You can say that stuff because you're fast. I'm not." I didn't realize at the time that the amount of time I spent thinking and talking about running was an indication that it was becoming more than just something I forced myself to do to stay in shape. It was becoming a hobby, a passion, something I enjoyed. Graham's taunting, jokes and our disagreements about my abilities may have been annoying at the time, but looking back it was little things like this that pushed me to be better, to set goals for myself and push my mental toughness past its limits. Graham was the one who showed me that running is much more than a sport. College: Meeting My Running EqualDuring my first year of college, I worked out alone every single day. None of the friends I made were as into fitness as I am. I will be forever grateful to running for being the reason I knew the streets of Oneonta like the back of my hand before anyone else did. Each morning was a different journey during which I checked Google Maps every five minutes to get my bearings and make sure I wasn't so lost that I wouldn't be able to get back to campus in time for class. At this point, running had become an addiction. If I went a day without it, I felt lost. This was both a blessing and a curse. I loved the way running made me feel, but this addiction contributed to my anxiety about eating and the ways in which I pushed myself too far physically. I started to pride myself on my commitment to running. It was part of my identity. It wasn't long before people came to know me as "the healthy one". My brother and his girlfriend thought I was crazy for getting up at 7 am every day of our family vacation in Port Angeles and Seattle, WA to run. But it made me feel unique. It was my thing. Standing on a lookout, watching the sunrise, and the freight ships pass by on the shimmering water between Port Angeles and Vancouver was my moment. No one could tarnish it or take it away from me. I've experienced countless moments like this while running over the years. The time I ran to Alamo Park during my first week in San Francisco and stood at the top, looking out over the city skyline thinking about how grateful I was to be there. The time I ran through Neahwa Park in Oneonta and stopped to take a photo of the pond because it looked so beautiful and peaceful. One thing that running teaches you is to take time to reflect. When you are running, it's just your body and your mind out there. You do a lot of thinking and you start to notice the little things more. The way the snow falls and settles on the trees, the way the birds sing, the way the ground under your feet sounds different depending on the season. You become more aware of your breathing and the rhythms of your body. You are grateful to be alive. I started my RA job sophomore year and was placed on a staff with several fitness oriented people. One of those people was Megan, my running buddy. Having someone to run with every day increased my motivation tenfold. We ran together (and still do) every week day morning around 7:15/7:30. I can't tell you how often we hear things like, "How do you do that?", "You're crazy.", "How do you run in the cold?" Let me answer all of these questions real quick. First question: once you get into a routine it's really not that difficult. There are days when it is more difficult to get out of bed than others, but when you know someone is waiting for you/depending on you, you just do it. Once you stand up, you're awake. Running with Megan early in the morning will always be better than putting it off and rushing through a solo run. It also helps that we are both very busy and usually have somewhere to be by 9 or 10 am. Second question: every run leaves us feeling accomplished, refreshed, and ready to take on the day. When you can see real benefits from something, doing it doesn't feel crazy. Third question: Megan and I have been comfortably warm running in single digit temperatures. We check the weather every morning, make sure that we have the proper clothing and get moving as soon as we get outside. Not only do we love the feeling we get from running, it strengthens our friendship. On a forty minute run we may touch on twenty different topics. Sometimes I try to remember each thing we talked about and I can't figure out how we got from our first topic to our last. Our morning run is our bonding time. We talk about our jobs, our relationships, politics, food (a passion for both of us), our families, our highs, and our lows. Oh, and we laugh when the other person slips and falls. One of the most beautiful moments I've had while running happened at about 7:15 am on a chilly day near the end of winter. Megan and I were running one of our favorite routes that goes through a more rural area of Oneonta. The sun was rising and shining beautifully on the field of high grasses. The air was the perfect temperature and felt clean on our faces. As we silently pushed through the pain and up one of our least favorite hills, we heard a loud, clear cock-a-doodle-doo (I had to look up how to spell that) come from a chicken coop about twenty feet off the road. I remember that we both stopped running, looked at each other, mouths wide open, and laughed. We agreed that that was one of the most amazingly perfect moments we'd ever experienced. It is times like this that make you really appreciate the world we live in and the people who are there to appreciate it with you. My friendship with Megan is a perfect example of the ability running has to bring people together. 13.1 Miles of FightingI spent January-May of sophomore year training for my first half-marathon and had many more beautiful moments on my numerous 7+ mile runs. During these training runs music played an integral role in me finishing each run without stopping. Some runners don't need music when they run. For some runners, music doesn't have an effect on how successful their run is. This is of course totally understandable, but most definitely not the case for me. I remember being at mile five of my run (one of the most difficult points for me to push past), in the middle of nowhere, and losing my phone signal. My music would drop out. There were times when this was so mentally taxing that I would yell...at nothing and at no one in particular. I was completely alone. My body hurt. I wanted to stop. And the one thing keeping me going was gone. It made me irrationally angry. I knew my signal would eventually come back, but now I was alone with my breathing, which indicated my struggling. Music and running go hand in hand for me. I could be physically drained and feel like I can't take one more step, but when a song comes on, I feel inspired again and it is sometimes the only reason I keep going. One of the biggest misconceptions about running is that it is a mostly physical act. The truth is, you can be at the peak of your physical fitness and not be a successful runner. In order to be successful, you must train your brain. Running is mostly mental. That is why it is so hard for people to start running and stay committed to it. You have to know going into each run that it has the potential to absolutely suck and then start running anyway. You can't expect every run to feel great and go smoothly. One of the greatest lessons running has taught me is to persevere and push through failure. Some runs are so bad that they make you question if you'll ever have a good run again. The amazing thing is that you most certainly will. And when you do, it will feel so amazing that you'll wonder why you ever doubted running in the first place. More importantly, you'll wonder why you ever doubted yourself. In May of 2014, I ran my first half-marathon. The quote that guided me through it was, "It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop." I didn't stop once during that race. The half-marathon was the culmination of all my hard work during the months prior. All the early morning runs and all the solo 9 mile runs that I thought would never end. All the sore muscles and minor injuries. It was all for this day. During the race I would look around and realize that I was running the same pace as someone at least forty years older than me. That someone probably 30 pounds heavier than me was passing me. And that I was passing people who looked like they were in better shape than I was. The list of comparisons goes on, but my epiphany (if I can use such a dramatic word) was that running is a great equalizer. It does not matter if you are stocky or thin, old or young, elite or amateur, if this is your first race or your fiftieth; running is for everyone. I have seen Boston Marathon survivors who lost limbs and are already running races again. Wheelchair racing is a recognized Paralympic sport. Running is so incredibly inclusive, which is part of the reason there is such a strong, accepting community within the sport. Looking around during the half-marathon and seeing such diversity reminded me that signing up and showing up to this race was an accomplishment in itself. It takes a certain level of commitment and dedication to run a road race. Everyone's journey and experience may be different, but we can all bond (sometimes subconsciously) over the fact that running has had an impact on our lives. There were of course mental and physical ups and downs throughout the entire race - most memorably at mile 12.5 when it felt like I was having a heart attack and my lower back muscles were turning to stone at the same time - but nothing, I mean nothing, has ever felt so rewarding as crossing that finish line did. When I saw the banner that says "FINISH", heard the announcer say my name as I approached, and felt the support of the hundreds of people cheering me on, I was overcome with emotion. I'm overcome with emotion now, writing this. People question you. They wonder how or why you would want to run for two hours straight. Why you would voluntarily put your body through pain. This is why. And when you experience a moment like this, you just get it. It all makes sense. So What Does This All Mean?If you've gotten this far into this blog post, I commend you. This might sound crazy, but I still don't feel like I fully explained why running is so amazing. Some of my feelings are just too difficult to put into words. The bottom line is, I owe running a thousand thanks. It has been my hobby, passion, greatest confidant, and best friend for the past six years. People come and go and places change, but running is always there for me. It has been there for me through anger, through stress, through happiness, through change, through confusion, through breakups, through hurt, through times of certainty, and through times of doubt. I'm going to conclude with a list of the most important lessons running has taught me.
1. The Best Things In Life Take Time It took years for me to go from running one mile at a time to running a half-marathon. Anything worth having (friendships, relationships, your dream job, etc.) takes time to develop and grow. Just because you aren't where you want to be doesn't mean you won't ever get there. 2. Hard Work, Dedication & Perseverance Pay Off Running has taught me that when you stick with something for long enough, the payoffs are tangible and make all of your hard work worth it. A bad run is symbolic of a bad day, of making a mistake, of not getting something that you wanted, of falling down on the job. Getting up and running the next day despite yesterday's experience is symbolic of not letting your failures define you and taking on each new challenge with an open and positive mind. 3. You Are Capable Of So Much More Than You Think Your mind is constantly telling you "no". That you can't do the task ahead of you, that there's no way you can accomplish all the things you would like to. In running terms, your mind is always telling you that you can't run that far without stopping, that you can't run that race in the time you want, that you can't get better. You have to fight this voice. When you replace this negative self-talk with "I can" thoughts, you will be amazed by the things you are able to accomplish. 4. Do Not Internalize Stereotypes About Yourself It is very easy to allow stereotypes to shape how you view yourself and your abilities. Do not allow yourself to think, 'I can't run a road race because I am old' or 'I could never do that, I'm too out of shape'. It is never too late to set goals and accomplish amazing things that were once out of reach. Go watch a half or full marathon and see how many people are breaking down stereotypes and erasing the concept of "can't" from their lives. 5. Never Stop Exploring Running has led to so many great things for me. It has taught me more about myself than any textbook or personality test ever could. It has brought people into my life and strengthened my relationships. It has brought me to so many beautiful places (both literally and figuratively) that I might have never seen otherwise. It has taught me how to believe in myself, how to push myself, and how to focus and commit to my goals. Simply put, running has changed my life. Never stop looking for new experiences and new places to see. Never close yourself to other perspectives and points of view. Always be open to new people, things, and adventures. I've always liked boy bands. Throughout childhood it was the Backstreet Boys and N'Sync (BSB were always preferred, sorry Justin). But in middle school, the Jonas Brothers took over my world. That might sound dramatic, but it's true. I thought about them every day, bought every magazine they graced the cover of, watched every video of them on YouTube, sat through every TV performance, and plastered my walls with posters of them (265 to be exact, I counted once). I had Jonas Brothers jewelry, Jonas Brothers shirts, Jonas Brothers albums, Jonas Brothers DVDs. My life revolved around the three wholesome, humble brothers from New Jersey and I was lucky enough to see them live twice.
I spent a lot of time defending the Jonas Brothers, explaining to others that "they really are talented" (something I still stand by today). I never understood why I needed to prove this to anyone. Their music was catchy, they put on a great live show and they wrote all their music themselves. In a pop music world run by One Direction, Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber, I'd really like to emphasize that last point. Take a look at the track listing for Bieber's latest album, Purpose, and you'll notice that each song has at least three writers on it. I have nothing against collaborative writing, but have always felt the Jonas Brothers didn't get the recognition they deserved for writing their own music. One of the most frustrating things I encountered as a Jonas Brothers fan was dealing with the sexism and fear of effeminacy I encountered along the way. These are concepts I didn't (and still don't) fully understand, but frustrated me nonetheless. Liking the Jonas Brothers was "girly" and if you were a male who enjoyed their music you were "gay" or a "pussy". This sexism and belief that women's tastes are not as valid as men's has been around for a long time. It wasn't until they changed their sound by veering away from pop that The Beatles became more "legitimate" and critically respected. Justin Bieber was girly and lame when he was a teenage singer/songwriter adored by millions of girls, but now that he is making songs that can be played at frat parties and clubs, it's cool to like him. This even happens in music scenes that claim to be more inclusive, like rock and punk. I can't tell you how many times I've been stereotyped because I like The Maine and All Time Low or how many times these bands are stereotyped because their fan base is predominantly female. Even when women are legitimately interested in a band or genre (i.e., Bring Me The Horizon/hardcore music), people assume that they only like the band because the lead singer is attractive or because they want to be a part of a scene they think is cool. God forbid a woman actually enjoy and connect with Oli Sykes' lyrics. The perceived non-legitimacy of boy bands continues today, with One Direction being the best example. Watching One Direction's latest video for their single "History" is what prompted me to write this post. The video recaps One Direction's career with highlights and clips, starting with their third place X Factor finish in 2010. Throughout the video you see shots of fans; at shows, outside of hotels, and chasing the band (on foot) while they drive away in their tinted window SUV. Watching these moments took me back to the time when I was a Jobro lover, waiting for nine hours outside their show, having a sing-a-long with other fans that were waiting, and crying (wait, no...sobbing) when they took the stage at Darien Lake on their Burnin' Up Tour in 2008. I am by no means a "Directioner", but I truly understand what it's like to be so dedicated to a band. You're not a freak. You're not crazy. You've just never loved something as much as you love that band and that music. That is why I feel for the girls who are in middle school and high school right now, trying to defend why they love One Direction when their tastes shouldn't be questioned at all. And let's clarify...simply asking, out of genuine curiosity, why someone likes a band or an artist is different than attacking their tastes and labeling them as illegitimate. There is so much negativity in the music industry. When I see bands like One Direction succeed just to watch their loyal, loving fans get made fun of for liking them, I can only wonder 'why?' Why do we put people down for expressing themselves through music? If you ever watch live videos of boy band performances you'll see dedication, love, connection, and emotion through the roof. I think it's pretty cool that music can bring people to tears and that seeing a favorite band can render people speechless. I have watched One Direction's career progress and have always thought, 'wow, it looks like they are having so much fun.' They are most certainly having more fun than the people who sit behind computers or walk through school halls making fun of them. And they are most definitely a better example for men than the "men" who put their friends down when they admit that they enjoyed the One Direction song that just came on the radio. If you are truly a fan of music, you would appreciate and understand the fact that, historically, boy bands have brought people together and left fans with unforgettable experiences to look back on years later. Being a Jonas Brothers fan was so much fun and made my group of friends even closer than we already were. I wouldn't trade that time of my life for anything. Next time you think of putting someone down for their taste in music or you see it happen, remember that there's a legitimate reason that person loves the music. That reason is more important than whether or not you think the music is good. Dublin, Ireland (Irland) - November 17 & 18When I decided to visit two friends who were studying abroad in London, I figured it would be wrong to not throw Dublin into the mix as well. I have wanted to go to Ireland since I was very young. Being half Irish, it is the European country that I feel the strongest connection to. I booked my flight and was prepared to go alone because I wanted to go that badly. But after telling a few friends about the trip, my friend Heidi decided to go with me, which was super comforting for my parents. After a cancelled trip due to an airline strike, my friend Sean decided last-minute to join us. The first thing I noticed about Dublin was that it was the most diverse place I had been in months. The next thing I noticed was how friendly Irish people are followed by how much cheaper everything was than in Norway. Dublin was grimy, gray, and gloomy, but I loved it. It was full of people having the time of their lives and it was refreshing to share laughs with strangers. Where we ate: Blu Apple Cafe, Pablo Picante Where we went: Guinness Storehouse, Trinity College, The Book of Kells, Temple Bar, Gogarty's, Dublin Bay, St. Stephen's Green Little things I loved: bar hopping our first night, the advertising display in the Guinness storehouse, being able to lean into the wind by the Dublin Bay because it was so strong, hearing live traditional Irish music in the pubs London, England - November 19, 20 & 21I can't even explain how excited I was for this trip. I never thought I'd go to London while I was studying abroad. It just wasn't at the top of my list of places to visit. But having two friends studying there, one of whom's sister (one of my best friends) and parents (who I've known since pre-k) were visiting at the same time made this trip a must. Two and a half days is barely enough time to scratch the surface of London, but I am grateful to have seen this beautiful city. I experienced a little bit of culture shock when I first arrived because I had spent the last three months living in a city of one million people with six subway lines. London is overwhelmingly large, similar to NYC. Each day I'd go off and do my own thing for a few hours and then I'd meet up with my friend Sarah who I was staying with and we'd do something touristy. On Friday night we (me, Sarah, and our friends Jennie and Annie) met up at a club and danced all night, continuously in awe that we were all together in London. On Saturday, I was lucky enough to have dinner with Annie, Jennie, their parents, and Jennie's best friend/roommate Erin. I have known the Morris family since age four so the brief, but incredible memories we made together in London are something I will cherish forever. Where we ate: Wahaca, Wagamama, Shoreditch Grind, Cafe on Primrose Hill Rd., O'Neil's in Chinatown
Where we went: Platform 9 & 3/4, Soho, Drop Dead, Abbey Road, Primrose Hill/Regent's Park, Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, the London Eye (didn't ride it), Oxford Street, Regent's Canal, Shoreditch, Spitalfield Market, Leicester Square, Joyriders Little things I loved: being reunited with my beautiful, amazing friends, old style taxis, seeing Big Ben at sunset, my first time riding The Tube, taking photos at Abbey Road It's amazing how some things that I do to relax can also stress me out in little ways. This blog is sometimes one of those things. Lately I've been thinking, 'The longer I go without posting about the cities I've visited, the more I am going to forget.' It's true. There have definitely been times in my life when I wish I had kept a better record of my experiences so that it was easier to recall details when reflecting on said experiences. The idea of writing a blog post about each city I've visited is most certainly feasible, but quite daunting. Of course I have enough experiences and thoughts to go on and on about these cities, but with exams coming (the first one in three days) I can't justify that much procrastination. Therefore some procrastination, in the form of a singular blog post, will have to do. The good thing about writing this post a month or two after taking these trips is that it's now easier for me to pinpoint the highlights of the trips and give an overview, rather than tell you about every single street I walked down and every single cup of coffee I drank. That would be boring and would take a while. Instead, you will find brief text regarding my city travels along with some of my favorite photos, which were incredibly difficult to narrow down. (You can click on the photos if you'd like to view them full size with captions.) Gothenburg, Sweden (Göteborg, Sverige) - Sept. 19 & 20Gothenburg was my second choice city for study abroad so it was on my bucket list to visit while I was in Norway. It was kind of spur of the moment. One Thursday in September I thought, 'I should go to Sweden this weekend' so I looked up the prices for transportation and hostels. My next task was convincing Laura to come with me, which wasn't very difficult because she pretty much takes any opportunity she has to travel. We took the earliest metro Saturday morning and made it to the bus terminal 6 minutes before our bus was scheduled to leave. The first thing we noticed upon arriving in Gothenburg is that Sweden seems to be a little more accepting of refugees than Norway. There was a table full of food at the bus station with a sign in front that read "Refugees Welcome." We spent our first couple hours in Sweden getting maps from the visitor's center, getting coffee, and orienting ourselves in the city. We spent most of Saturday walking through the city and stopping at major landmarks and areas of interest, which were nicely labeled for us in one of the maps we had picked up earlier. Highlights of Saturday were the Skansen Kronen redoubt (like a fortress) that overlooks the city, and the Haga district, full of little shops and cafes perfect for fika (the Swedish concept of having coffee and pastries). We had an amazing meal at Brewers Beer Bar. I had the Popeye pizza (cauliflower crème, Feta cheese, Parmigiano-Reggiano, pea sprouts, spinach, garlic) and tried a couple amazing craft beers. Our server told us she is from South Carolina so it was fun and refreshing to talk with an American who is living abroad. On Sunday, we went to Slottsskogen, a 140 hectare (about 346 acres) public park, nicknamed "the lungs of the city." This was one of my favorite parts of the trip because the park is so vast and diverse. Ponds, playgrounds, forested areas, wide open fields. It was all so beautiful and the weather was absolutely perfect. Next was another beautiful area, the Gothenburg Botanical gardens. The place was full of thousands of flowers, varieties I have never seen or heard of before. One of the things that I really loved about Gothenburg was how photogenic of a city it is. I had so many opportunities to use my camera and to play around with settings until I got the photo I wanted. Before we left, we walked along Kungsportsavenyn (the main avenue of the city) and went back to the Haga district to get dinner to-go from En Deli Haga, a vegetarian/vegan spot with incredibly fresh and flavorful food. We did walk past Gothenburg University once and I thought about how my study abroad experience might be different if I had chosen Sweden instead of Norway. I had a moment where I thought, 'I should have studied here', but that is the effect that most cities have on you when you spend a weekend in them. I was of course blown away by Oslo my first few days/weeks here and don't regret choosing it. Gothenburg gave me a wonderful impression of Sweden and I will definitely visit again if the opportunity arises. Where we ate: Brewers Beer Bar, En Deli Haga, Cafe Husaren Where we went: City Center, Skansen Kronen redoubt, Gothenburg Botanical Gardens, Slottsskogen, Haga district, Kungsportsavenyn (Avenyn-"The Avenue"), waterfront, other various landmarks Little things I loved: cinnamon rolls the size of your head in Haga, meeting American high school exchange students at a cafe, the Lion sculptures on the staircase at Stora Hamnkanalen, pizza & drinks with Laura at Brewers Beer Bar Bergen, Norway (Norge) - October 9 - 11Bergen seems to be a must on the Oslo exchange student bucket list. It's hard to find a single exchange student who hasn't traveled there while living in Oslo. Bergen is the second largest city in Norway (very similar population to Buffalo) and is on the west cost of the country. We left Oslo early Friday morning, excited for what is said to be one of the most beautiful train rides in the world. It is, and I know that because I brought a book with me for the 7 hour train ride and only read about 4 pages. I was too busy looking out the window and watching the scenery go by. We met some awesome people on the ride including American students who were part of an insane study abroad program (they had been travelling for months and had been to some incredible places) and a couple from San Francisco who foster senior dogs. Meeting strangers and hearing about their journeys is one of my favorite things about travelling. Our Airbnb apartment was small and at the top of a very steep and long hill, but hey, all I need is a place to lay my head down. Despite being a decent sized city, Bergen is quiet, quaint, and very village-like in some aspects. Charming is the best word to describe the cobblestone streets and close, staggered houses. On Saturday we went on a fjord cruise through the Osterfjorden. This was my first time in the fjords since my trip to Trolltunga. Tiny communities deep in the fjord were a reminder of the different ways of life that exist throughout Norway. Sunday, we took a ride up the Fløibanen funicular to Mt. Fløyen, which overlooks the whole city. I was so glad we had clear weather considering Bergen is one of the rainiest cities. Seriously, here's a statistic: rain fell every day in Bergen between October 29th, 2006 and January 21st, 2007 (85 consecutive days). It didn't rain once while we were there. Where we ate: Pygmalion Økocafe & Galleri, Chiangmai Thai (for me), Bergen Fish Market (for my mom, dad & aunt), homemade lefse from the Saturday market Where we went: Bryggen neighborhood, Port of Bergen and surrounding shops, Osterfjorden cruise, Fløibanen funicular to Mt. Fløyen, Skomakerdiket Lake Little things I loved: really cool street art, tiny alleyways between houses, lots of street cats, drinking water straight from a glacier Copenhagen, Denmark (København, Danmark) - October 16 & 17We may h ave gotten lucky with the weather in Bergen, but the same cannot be said for Copenhagen. It was gray and drizzly the whole time we were there. We got the impression that this is the what the Danes are used to, as it didn't seem to keep people indoors or stop anyone from using their bike to get places. We started our trip, appropriately, with delicious Danish pastries at Andersen Bakeri. We then spent most of that gloomy day at Tivoli Gardens, the second oldest amusement park in the world. Tivoli is something you really have to experience to fully understand what it's like. Any description of mine won't do it justice, but it is one of the coolest, most whimsical places I have ever been. It was decorated for Halloween at the time of our visit, which, in addition to the weather, added to the experience. By the time we left Tivoli we were hungry and wet from the rain. Not wanting to walk around unless we knew where we were going, we turned to Yelp for dinner suggestions. I stumbled on a place called Slice of San Francisco that had amazing reviews. Knowing that we all loved the food we had in SF, we decided having something somewhat familiar would be nice.. This turned out to be an awesome experience. (I ate the first good quality avocado that I have had in months.) We talked with the owner who grew up in the Bay Area, met a Danish man who was traveling in California, ended up marrying him, moving to Denmark and having three children. They have since divorced, but two years ago she and her current boyfriend started Slice of San Francisco. During this study abroad experience I have learned that I don't think I could live abroad for an extended period of time, so it was interesting to meet an American who has been abroad for more than 25 years. Sunday was full of walking. We walked to Christiania, a self-proclaimed autonomous neighborhood of 850 residents. Here, we saw Pusher Street, where hash is sold every day from little stands where the sellers wear bandannas over their faces. This was like no place I've ever been and I will probably not be in a similar place ever again. It was very eye-opening and my parents and I spent our next coffee break reading about Christiania's fascinating history. Then, after getting lost several times, we walked along Nyhavn and through the Nørrebro district before having our first Wagamama experience. I am now in full support of a nationwide expansion of Wagamama in the U.S. Where we ate: Andersen Bakeri, Slice of San Francisco, Wagamama
Where we went: Tivoli Gardens, Church of Our Savior, Freetown Christiania, Nyhavn, Københavns Havn, Nørrebro district, Rosenborg Castle Gardens Little things I loved: colorful houses, streets lined with bikes, the whimsy and other-worldliness of Tivoli Gardens, lovely prints by famous Danish poster artist Ib Antoni I've been missing Buffalo a lot lately. The people, the places, the experiences, the food (duh). But the weird thing is that even if I were in the U.S. right now, I'd be in Oneonta, not Buffalo. Which got me thinking...where's home and where do I belong? On Monday, something that someone said got me thinking even more, but I'll explain that in a little while. What is "belonging"? The concepts of "home" and "belonging" go hand-in-hand in my opinion. So I decided to do some reading on belonging. The first thing I read were Google's definitions of "belong" and "belonging." As expected, they were too technical. The closest one to the type of "belonging" that I'm talking about is probably "(of a person) have an affinity for a specified place or situation." Another one, having "the right personal or social qualities to be a member of a particular group", is definitely an important aspect of belonging, but doesn't explain the whole word. Merriam Webster gave me, "close or intimate relationship", which is also relevant, but still not what I'm looking for. After doing some more Googling, I found several sites that explain belonging from more of a psychology standpoint. All of the sites I looked at said that belonging is "being accepted as a member or part of something". So I asked myself, 'do I feel accepted in Norwegian society? The answer is generally, yes. I did a class project with a group of Norwegians who all made me feel accepted. In fact, I could see several ways in which we are similar. When I ask a Norwegian if they speak English, many respond by saying "Yes, I'm sorry!" and start talking to me in English. They are apologetic about it and are never resentful that I am asking them to speak their second language (which blows my mind to this day). My profesors at the University of Oslo made me feel very welcome so I have always felt like I fit in as an exchange student. Then why, despite feeling accepted, do I know that I could never truly belong in Norway? And, more importantly, after living in four different cities over the past four years, how do I know where I do belong? I was inspired to try to answer these questions on Monday night, when I attended the opening show of the Oslo World Music Festival. Before the music started, the festival director spoke about the theme of the festival; belonging. She talked about her mixed heritage, having spent some of her life in Argentina and some in Norway, and how that has shaped her sense of belonging. After many years of confusion and consideration, she has come to the conclusion that her belonging is not something she bases on geography. Once Chango Spasiuk took the stage, my mind was whirring with thoughts about my sense of belonging. It helped that his beautiful chamamé music provided a perfect soundtrack for reflective thought. Here's what I came up with: I don't belong in Norway, or Europe for that matter (at least not now). Don't get me wrong...I love Norway, I loved Sweden, I loved Denmark and I'm sure I will be able to say the same about Ireland and England after visiting in a couple of weeks. But living abroad is not something I feel like I could do for an extended period of time. There are just too many things that I miss about American culture and my life in the U.S. These things are hard to explain, but easily felt. My sense of belonging has a lot to do with geography. The other day, I had a conversation with my flatmate Sean who is from Chicago. He intends on living in or near Chicago after college. Not because he loves Chicago so much he can't imagine leaving, but because of who is in Chicago; his girlfriend, his band, his friends, etc. I've come to the conclusion that geography matters more to my sense of belonging than it does to Sean's or to the festival director's. Being close to my friends and family is incredibly important to me, but I also associate so many memories and feelings with specific places. So much of my well-being is influenced by my surroundings. Geography is a factor for me.
I have felt belonging in more than one place. Oneonta has of course become a second home to me. I practically live at Latte Lounge and I've run so many miles on the streets of that town that I know it like the back of my hand. I have met so many incredible people and had so many wonderful experiences in Oneonta that it will always be a part of me. I also felt belonging in San Francisco when I spent the summer of 2013 there. I felt truly comfortable and at home in the city's culture and atmosphere. I thrived there.
Your 20s are a confusing time.
It has been said time and time again, but it's true. College and your 20s are a super confusing time full of fear, uncertainty and self-doubt. Studying abroad has helped me learn so much about myself, but has also left me more confused than ever. Maybe during this last month and a half I'll have some sort of revelation about where my life is headed, but most likely not. |